Pieman by Susan

I thought I’d write about a few more of my adventures. I’m not sure if I would be allowed to write about the wild parties and then hostel or our camping trips on here, so I will confine myself to writing about what happen within the hospital. Although the playing of practical jokes or initiations is very much outlawed we do have some naughty fun on occasions.

I’ve been lucky I think in that I’ve always worked as a bank nurse that has exposed me in more ways than one to a wide range and opportunity of fun.

The main sources of these nefarious activities as been the game Pie Man. In this game you have to say a rime, “I met a pie man on the way to the fair. I said to the pie man “What have you there?” He said I have some……….” You then add an item. The next person has to say the rime adding in your item then adding one item. This goes on around the players continuously. You end up with some crazy nonsense items like pink bananas, ford Astras, and so on. If you say an item that as already been said when adding a item, pause for too long thinking as to what comes next, say the wrong thing in sequence, or something that’s not in the sequence you lose a life. Loose three lives and you earn a forfeit.

I’ve played this game often especially on the geriatric wards where things can be slow at times. After the first time of playing when I was a student nurse on the geriatric unit I played a further twice before moving on. The second time I played I lost twice in the game. The first time I had to do the toppy as described earlier. The second time I lost I had to repeat the forfeit but with my hands on my head. The male auxiliary eyes nearly popped out of his head. I remember blushing deeply, it was the first time a male colleague had seen my breasts truly naked. The last time we played as a student I had to do the walk twice, that is two laps on one occasion. That is once in one direction and once in the other direction. This meant you got to see front and back views in each direction.

I did not return to the geriatric unit until shortly after I qualified as a staff nurse. I was surprised that the game was still being played. It was kind of a tradition of sorts. A lot of my friends have played the game although many of them can tell tales about others having to pay up it is very rare for somebody actually to get three forfeits in a row. Normally you get a clear round in between. But three in a row does happen as I can attest too.

The first time I played as a staff nurse it was a poor student who looked out first and had to do the toppy as described. It was then the turn on another occasion for another student nurse to have to do the toppy. The male auxiliary had worked out by this time that I was no good at tongue twisters or remembering things like ‘pinked striped yellow bananas’. I managed to get away with it by getting up to two lives lost then getting a clear run. But eventually I ended up with three in a row. Fortunately or was it unfortunately I wasn’t the first to lose in that game a student and the other staff nurse losing before me. So when it came my turn for a forfeit I had to do the toppy run hands on head.

I’ve lost in this game a further three times in my life. I do a stint on geriatrics about once every 18 months. The auxiliary nurse always licks his lips when I appear. Since he knows that I will be putting in an appearance.

For the completeness of record on the first occasion of these last three I had to do the extended toppy. This is where you strip in the bottom bathroom leave it and walk up to the nurses’ station before turning up the corridor to the top bathroom. You can exit this bathroom by a second door into the service way and come back down to the little waiting area before turning back up the ward to the bottom bathroom. The service way is a rather dangerous place inhabited by porters and trades men. Fortunately on my only excursion into this area topless I did not encounter anyone but I think that was the auxiliary’s plan for me. The second of these three saw me doing a two lap one in reverse. And the last saw me doing a TWO PEEKS AND A FOREST because I opened my big mouth at the wrong time.